Dumb Things that Got Said at The Council of Elrond
by fringeperson
Summary: ...And what someone should have said or done, but no one did. In this case, that someone will be Jenn. oneshot. complete. don't own. self-insert/original character.


Dumb things that got said at the Council of Elrond, and how I would have answered if I had been there.

I will be represented by the character Jenn, a human woman at the council.

~oOo~

"Ash razg durbaltulûk," Gandalf began, declaring the words inscribed on the ring in the horrible language of Mordor.

Jenn was out of her seat and slapped her hand over Gandalf's mouth. "We know what it says," she hissed. "There's no need to cause our hosts _physical pain_ by speaking what we all know in a language we don't."

Gandalf, having gotten over his shock at being so interrupted, finally pulled Jenn's hand away from his mouth.

"If you can't say something _constructive_," she said, falsely sweet as she smiled a smile that was all teeth, "don't say anything."

So saying, Jenn levelled a glare at _all_ who were present at the council, knowing full well their natures of bickering, before she returned once more to her seat. She didn't particularly care if she had left a red print of her hand on Gandalf's face where she had slapped her hand over his mouth. Most of it was hidden by his prolific grey beard anyway.

~oOo~

"It is a gift," Boromir said as he stared at the ring. "A gift to the foes of Mordor," he continued, becoming more passionate. "Why not use this ring?" he asked, standing from his seat again to make his appeal to the council.

"And do what with it?" Jenn demanded flatly, raising an eyebrow before she too stood. Upon reaching Boromir she bonked him on the head with the soft of her fist, though as hard as she could. "It's a _ring_. Idiot. Sit down and shut up before you start talking out of your back-side."

"It is a _weapon_," Boromir objected. "We should be permitted to use the weapon of our enemy against him!"

Jenn snorted indelicately. "You really think the one who _made it_ didn't allow for that?" she asked pointedly. "Even _if_ you _could_ use it, I'd bet that all your people were dead before you properly figured out _how_ to use the damn thing."

Boromir grumbled, but went back to his seat.

~oOo~

"Gondor has no king," Boromir declared softly. "Gondor needs no king," he continued with a slight sneer as he returned to his seat.

Jenn sighed, reached over, and thumped Boromir on the top of his skull again. "You are the son of the _steward _of Gondor," she reminded him. "You are of the line of a _servant_, not a _ruler_. Your _place_, Boromir of Gondor, is to _serve him_. You don't have to like it, you don't have to like _him_, but them's the facts and all the denial in the world isn't going to change that."

~oOo~

"The ring must be destroyed," Elrond declared.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Gimli demanded, hefting his axe as he got out of his seat, then took the few steps to where the ring had been placed and brought his axe down on the small golden band.

It was his axe that shattered while the ring remained whole, and Gimli himself was thrown back.

"Bravo Gimli," Jenn said, applauding the dwarf as he was helped up by his kin. "Well done. You've got the right attitude there, which is more than can be said for this lunk head," she continued, jerking her thumb at Boromir. "Might want to work on the method though."

"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this," Elrond stated.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor," Boromir countered quietly, but very seriously.

"That's the most sensible thing you've said since this council began," Jenn quipped at Boromir, though she was smiling. Until she turned her eyes to Elrond. "And the dumbest thing _you_ have said. It _must_ be someone from this council who takes the ring to Mordor? Has the thought crossed you mind that maybe, just _maybe_, there might be a better option among the _thousands _of individuals _not_ in attendance?"

Elrond's mouth hung open slightly in shock. He was definitely not used to being talked to in such a way.

~oOo~

"The ring must be destroyed!" Legolas proclaimed, reminding everybody who had been made tremulous by Boromir's description of Mordor that the task _had_ to be done.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" Gimli yelled back.

"He didn't say that," Jenn said sharply, then took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm. "You are jumping to conclusions," she continued more gently, then smiled. "Prince Legolas is simply reminding those who do not have hearts as stout as yours what you have stated already: what are we waiting for?"

~oOo~

"Great," Pippin said, smiling. "Where are we going?"

Merry gave his cousin an incredulous look.

"Now, now Master Merry," Jenn soothed. "It's a perfectly valid question. You should plan your journey before you take it, as well as an alternative route in case your first choice turns out to be impassable. This will save you from arguing later."

~So Endeth the Council~


End file.
